Can you smell that son? That, I tell you, is the smell of sadness and virginity rolled into the male specimen known as the Caltech nerd. No, he no longer needs to remain in hiding as he was in high school. He can fully enjoy the freedom of expressing his CompSci passions to the fullest extent while arguing the logic behind quantum mechanics right here at Caltech. What, you think he has BO? Yeah, me too, let’s find another place to go.
That’s right, after having spent about four weeks in a Caltech dormitory, it should come to no surprise that I am more than ready to leave. How anyone can have sex with male specimens of the Caltech student body is beyond my comprehension. Who are some of the Caltech students I’ve witnessed in their natural environment?
Big fat smelly guy
He’s big. He’s fat. He smells. And he insists on joining our game of taboo while contributing nothing at all except for the horrible stench emanating from his direction. Please. Just. Go. Away.
Constantine (that 1800’s virgin?)
He dresses like he is from the 1800’s. He wears three piece suits all the time and has hair that resembles Laura Bush’s tresses. Constantine also has a harpsichord in his room (which I have yet to see). Apparently he is the son of an oil baron. Hm, for someone so stinking rich, why would he attend a school like Caltech? He could go to Yale, Dartmouth, Harvard, or any other school in the Northeast with an extremely high WASP population. I think that is all a lie. He’s probably a Frank from Mississippi. And his momma lives in a trailer.
Skinny Dan
He’s really skinny. And walks around with a laptop. Did I mention, he’s really skinny. Like, I could bench press him, and I can’t bench press the pole in gym class.
So ladies, if you think that by going to Caltech you’ll have the choice of all the boys, think again. You’ll be better off getting some action at Wellesley.
Jose
